the unconscious reality

i crawled my way to the top of the well, fingernails gritted with the dirt and grime of harsh realities. the first ray of light, delicately brushed and outlined each crevice of the brick wall. after months of fighting, persevering, and slipping back into the grim abyss, my fingers finally gripped the edge. i needed just one more pull to get out of this dark grotto. suddenly, a shadow emerged and interrupted the magnificent beacon of light, a shadow that even when cast upon the perilous walls seemed warm and welcoming. and when least expected, a hand stuck out. its each detailed was outlined and illuminated by the golden glow; it grabbed my wrist and i, in return held on. 

that day, you pulled me out of a sinking ship — well, you were my saviour. even though it was by chance that you pondered there, you were my beautiful rescue. although we simply dismissed it as an act of friendship or a kind benevolent act of necessity- in a sense, it wasn’t over, at least for me. and for the first time, in a year, i felt something. in order to preserve a longstanding friendship, we pushed it aside and pretended nothing happened. however, i perched on the ledge of the well, daintily crossing my legs, and dangerously peering downwards. 

then, once again, you diverted paths and passed by my side. this time you held my hand and willed me to follow, and i, willingly trailed behind. you showed me the allure of life outside the patch of darkness and brought the concept of “happiness” back into my life. but when i turned around, you were gone. i looked around, but i could not adapt to this foreign setting and i sat on the path, staring. lost, confused and neglected, i cried wolf. you came back, only for the shortest period of time though, to guide me for a few more steps. but then, as quickly as you came, you left again, and i walked on blindly, navigating my way through this new forlorn territory. and as the mist blew in, i walked, lost, abandoned, cold and alone, i dragged my feet along, but i fell. and down i went.

but for the brief instant before i fell, i looked back. i saw that i was not the only one you saved, not the only one that you led through the same trails of unconscious reality, but merely a brief muse to entertain your sick twisted soul. and i saw you amidst all of this, forgetting me, easily entertained by others who were feeble and weak. and i saw, all that i refused to see.